Sarah Palin: THE GIFT

Maudlin and overwrought Alaska Lieutenant Governor Sean Parnell (who, to be fair, is having a very good week after a rather poor year) said this about his departing governor/Queen over the water:

I so appreciate what you have done for our state and your sacrificial service. You have been a strong leader for our state, you’ve inspired a nation, and you’ve ignited the fire of real hope around the world.

I profoundly respect your decision for I know the depth of character and integrity from which it springs. Rare, indeed, are such selfless acts seen in the public arena. […]

As Alaska celebrates her 50th year of statehood, I believe history will look back on Sarah Palin as one of Alaska’s great gifts to all peoples.

Emphasis mine, I guess.  The line rather screams on its own.  It reminds me of another Gift:

Now, I have a question.  I understand why Paula Abdul is a Gift.  She wrote and sang “Straight Up.”  But what precisely makes Sarah Palin a Gift?  What is it that she’s accomplished that’s at all special, or original, or noteworthy?  Perhaps an Alaskan can help me because I don’t know much about her time as Governor.  But as a candidate for Vice-President she was a disaster (couldn’t even outmaneuver Katie Couric?  Thanks, we’ll be in touch, don’t call us), and I say this as somebody who thought she was a brilliant move by the benighted John McCain.  I’m not precisely sure to whom she’s a role model at this point – or indeed why.  I honestly can’t think of a single thing she’s done that is remotely as valuable as one Paula Abdul single.

And Paula Abdul only said she was a Gift.  Sarah Palin is a Gift to all peoples.  What, precisely, did she do for the French?  Were the Russians desperate for publicity?  Did she make strides toward the resolution of Darfur or rights for Tibetans or Uighurs?  Has she ever even done anything for Canada?

Forgive me – I know gilding the lily comes with the territory in politics.  When you have an entire class built of vain, insecure and pretentious people a level of ego massage is necessary.  And politicians are hardly alone in this.  (Hell, whenever somebody says they’ve read this blog I spend the rest of the day glowing like I’ve got a bun in the oven.)  But you can in one leap transcend self-satire into a whole new universe of delusion.  And it’s true whether Parnell felt Palin needed to hear that or whether it’s an honest sentiment.  When somebody gives me a job I find that a “Thanks” usually does it.  Maybe that’s why I don’t get hours at work.

THE ONE TRUE GOD

Patrick, if you’re reading this – he’s my sometimes boss – you are a gift.  A Gift to all mankind.  You are the superlative example of brilliance, generosity and humanity.  The world would surely cease were such a calamity ever to befall it as even a moment of your absence.  The thought that you sleep and deprive us of your light for those long nighttime hours fills me with terror.  No one has ever so selflessly paid me $9 an hour.  No one ever so selflessly should.

On second thought – never mind.  I just heard about a job opening.  Alaska’s looking for a Lieutenant Governor.

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